Hello son...

It's been a long time coming... but it seems just like yesterday.

Today is going to be one of those days. One of those days that you file away and remember. And I'm glad you could be here for it.

Sometime in the last two decades a thought began forming. When it first began forming it wasn't so detailed. In fact, it could have been characterized more by what I hoped against more than what I hoped for. But as time has marched along, more and more clarity has come. This thought has never been so pressing that it dominated all others. Yet, it has always demanded some of my thought life.

When I met my daughter for the first time, my life changed. There are three arrows in my quiver, and I would fight for them all... but there is this dynamic that occurs between daddies and daughters. It has been a beautiful ride, these last twenty years. I can remember promising her on one of our late night walks through the house, as I held her head in the palm of one hand and her bottom in the other, that I would only give her the best I could give her.

It's a tricky business deciding what kind of man you want for your daughter. It forces you to reevaluate how you've treated young ladies in your own life. I used to wonder why some fathers looked at me the way they did. Looking at my daughter, I came full circle. I also tried not to preconceive socioeconomic, or even culturally profile. Yes, sir...it's a tricky business indeed.

Eventually, you realize it's not about what YOU want anyway...

I would like to tell you that I have enjoyed getting to know you. I liked you pretty much from the first time I met you. I'm glad I had the opportunity to get to know you and see what a hard working and straight up young man you are. I learned that I could trust you to do what you said you were going to do, even in the small things. And it's interesting that SK took to you even more quickly.

I have to tell you that I never saw it coming. I never imagined that you might be the one early on. But I also have to tell you that you have undoubtedly become the one. (Good thing, huh?)

It's not important, but you fulfill so many of the points on my twenty-year-old checklist. But, what is more important, you have captured her heart.

I have watched you two. Closely. And I smile...

So, today life changes for all of us. It has been easier than I imagined to learn to share her with you, but still so hard to let go of her attention. She has been daddy's girl... it would be hard to find anybody to argue with that. The truth is, I have been girl's daddy, too. We have laughed until we cried about things no one else understood. We have shared a love of music no one else would listen to with us. We have communicated with out words for most of her life.

But I want you to know, I welcome you. I am excited for you both. I can't wait to see the life you create together, following the One who creates through you both.

You see, the thought has gained clarity. The man I was looking for turned out to be a little taller than I first imagined!

But God has helped me see, you are the man He was looking for. You make my daughter happy. You aren't afraid to help her, even to your own hurt. You do have her best interests at heart. You are all the things that I could have ever hoped for my daughter.

I know it's one of those weird, awkward things... all of us working together, and trying to keep it separate from the family we've become together. But once again, you have found a simple grace and walked it through.

So, later today the rest of the world will get to publicly see you waiting for my daughter and I at the end of that aisle. I understand and rejoice that you two will be impatiently waiting for that short walk to be over so you can get on with the rest of your lives together. Just be patient with me if I make it as slow as I can... this day has been twenty years in the making for me...

And if, in the hustle and bustle and activity that goes with this special day. If everyone else wants your attention and wants to talk, its fine. But I don't want to miss the opportunity to tell you...

Hello son...

Real life...

My heart is heavy tonight...

Not the kind of heavy like there's something coming up that you know you're not going to like. It's almost like it physically feels weighed down.

A baby left us this past week. And it has affected me permanently. I'm sure that there was more than one baby that passed on this past week, and each one needs to be noted and remembered, but this baby... this baby was different for me. This baby was personal for me. So, up front, to all the other families who remember their babies this week, may the peace of God reign in your hearts, and may you always remember the beautiful moments.

But I wish that you could all have known Ben. Truthfully, I was never introduced face to face, but I feel like a real part of his life...at least he is a very real part of mine. And Ben taught me lessons in his short seven weeks that I will never forget.

Ben was a gift. There are many verses in my Bible that tell me that God agrees with me. Not only a gift, but Psalms tells me that they are a reward! I believe that Ben was a reward and a precious gift to his parents, as is his twin brother. His parents prayed and believed for them with great faith for so many years. Ben's gift was short but powerful. He reminded me that nothing is permanent, to take every opportunity you have to show people you love them. Don't settle for just saying, make it real to them, serve them, LOVE them with every moment.

May I parenthetically interject this: Please, and I know you mean well and it is tough to find words to express some things, but please don't tell me that God took Ben because He needed another angel. I think we make God look a little like an Indian giver (I know, that's not politically correct) when we say that. The Bible says children are a gift, then we say God takes them away again? Let's agree to say that God welcomed him home? I do believe that...

Ben was a source of unity. I was constantly amazed how many people offered Ben words of encouragement, offered his parents words of encouragement and offered to help in real and tangible ways. A community of support grew from everywhere and without any regard to who it might associate one with. It was all about what might help accomplish the goal. Wouldn't it be a fitting tribute if we could learn that lesson on a broad scale? If we learned nothing else from my man, Ben, could we learn that in proper perspective, most things shake out less important than we've made them? Maybe we could focus more on ways to come together and mend past grievances, and less on grudges and differences? Not to take anything away from Ben, all of our lives are way to short to spend them all selfishly. Find some common ground, learn the power of forgiveness, make everyone feel welcome. Thanks for reminding me, Ben.

And Ben was a fighter. Ben reminded me that real life isn't in the easy moments. Real life? That's the moments you're scrapping to keep it all together. Real life is happening in those times when everything is resting on hope and prayers. Real life is found in those moments when you don't have any other answer but to keep swinging. Swinging with purpose and might. Grabbing for every precious moment, and finding every precious moment its own victory...

Yes, Ben is a very real part of my life. Ben is my nephew. He and his twin brother were born to my beautiful sister and her husband on February 2, 2010.

And this is why my heart is so heavy, I love my sister. I know how precious these gifts were to her family. But, my sweet baby sister, God's gift of Ben will always live on in you and the incredible man God has given you to share this life. I encourage you, keep leaning on each other now, as you learn what life looks like from this point on. It's still a good life! It's going to be different, to be sure, but it is still good.

I'm so proud of the way you looked after your little man. You gave everything, spared nothing, to make sure Ben had the best life he could. Sister, you gave me a new definition of grace in the way you took consistently overwhelming situations and made them seem like they were just today's to do list. I can't remember one time that your thoughtful explanations and updates weren't markedly optimistic and positive. You and your husband are such a wonderful combination of strengths that compliment each other perfectly.

So, later today, they will be celebrating Ben's life in a church in Virginia. I won't be there, at least not in body. But my heart and mind are extended east as they remember that scrapper Ben.

I take comfort that in Heaven we "will be known as we are known," I'm looking forward to meeting Ben...

Dear Stella...

I got your back...

(I suppose I should welcome my new granddaughter with an entry about how beautiful and amazingly wonderful she is. Well, she is. But I need her to know, first and foremost...)

I got your back!

You see, because you are so beautiful and innocent and full of great potential, you need someone you can count on to be there for you. I'm your guy!

This isn't the world Grandad grew up in. I'm so glad you're here, but this is a pretty hazardous time to arrive, my love. You've arrived in The Golden Age of Selfishness. There is so little respect for other people.

One of Grandad's favorite movies is "Blast From The Past." It didn't win any awards. Most people probably brush it aside as fluff... but I love it. Adam, the main character played by Brandon Fraser, has lived separated from the world in a bomb shelter for the first 35 years of his life, and then is suddenly thrown into the world without much explanation. At one point in the movie, Adam explains to some of the people he has met that, "the short and simple definition of a lady or a gentleman is, someone who always tries to make sure the people around him or her are as comfortable as possible."

And he says, "Manners are a way of showing others we care about them."

This isn't the world you have entered, my tiny one. This seems to be a world that is more and more everyday interested only in self. What makes ME comfortable? A world that is so convinced that each person's personal interests are more important than anyone else's, so manners are becoming more rare. I would say endangered, even.

You see it in the way people drive. Traffic laws are more about what is common practice than what is right or wrong. If people think they can win a race between you and them to the place they want to be, they will try to beat you. Or they just figure insurance will replace whatever they break, so they turn in front you even if you have to pull off a trick worthy of Houdini to avoid a collision. Speed limits are suggestions. Your Uncle Jared was told in Driver's Ed to stay the speed of the traffic around him, regardless of the posted speed limit.

You see it in shopping centers, be it the parking lot or the stores. Everyone is racing to be first and to get the best spots or sales.

You see it in the way kid's activities have become all too serious. When Grandad played youth baseball, he was given a t-shirt and a cap. Most of us wore jeans and tennis shoes. It was not the focus of my life. No one screamed at me and called me names laced with expletives if I struck out or missed a play. And I usually went home happy.

Just want you to know, I got your back. I'm here for YOU kiddo.

And before you get to caught up in all the technology, and we've got plenty of it to throw at you, don't ever forget that NOTHING takes the place of one on one, face to face communication. Text me if you need to, but hug me every chance you get. It really is better.

I don't mean to paint a gloomy picture, little one. There are plenty of things to smile at and be encouraged about still around in this world. I usually wear rose-colored glasses myself. But, reality forces me to point out these small deficiencies.

Your Aunt Kaylea is one of the greatest girls in the whole world. She's always gonna be my baby girl! But if you ask her, I think she'd tell you it's true, from time to time you'll need me...I've had her back, too.

You're beautiful, baby Stella...your Mom and Dad will do great... but if and when you need me, remember...

I got your back!