Real life...

My heart is heavy tonight...

Not the kind of heavy like there's something coming up that you know you're not going to like. It's almost like it physically feels weighed down.

A baby left us this past week. And it has affected me permanently. I'm sure that there was more than one baby that passed on this past week, and each one needs to be noted and remembered, but this baby... this baby was different for me. This baby was personal for me. So, up front, to all the other families who remember their babies this week, may the peace of God reign in your hearts, and may you always remember the beautiful moments.

But I wish that you could all have known Ben. Truthfully, I was never introduced face to face, but I feel like a real part of his life...at least he is a very real part of mine. And Ben taught me lessons in his short seven weeks that I will never forget.

Ben was a gift. There are many verses in my Bible that tell me that God agrees with me. Not only a gift, but Psalms tells me that they are a reward! I believe that Ben was a reward and a precious gift to his parents, as is his twin brother. His parents prayed and believed for them with great faith for so many years. Ben's gift was short but powerful. He reminded me that nothing is permanent, to take every opportunity you have to show people you love them. Don't settle for just saying, make it real to them, serve them, LOVE them with every moment.

May I parenthetically interject this: Please, and I know you mean well and it is tough to find words to express some things, but please don't tell me that God took Ben because He needed another angel. I think we make God look a little like an Indian giver (I know, that's not politically correct) when we say that. The Bible says children are a gift, then we say God takes them away again? Let's agree to say that God welcomed him home? I do believe that...

Ben was a source of unity. I was constantly amazed how many people offered Ben words of encouragement, offered his parents words of encouragement and offered to help in real and tangible ways. A community of support grew from everywhere and without any regard to who it might associate one with. It was all about what might help accomplish the goal. Wouldn't it be a fitting tribute if we could learn that lesson on a broad scale? If we learned nothing else from my man, Ben, could we learn that in proper perspective, most things shake out less important than we've made them? Maybe we could focus more on ways to come together and mend past grievances, and less on grudges and differences? Not to take anything away from Ben, all of our lives are way to short to spend them all selfishly. Find some common ground, learn the power of forgiveness, make everyone feel welcome. Thanks for reminding me, Ben.

And Ben was a fighter. Ben reminded me that real life isn't in the easy moments. Real life? That's the moments you're scrapping to keep it all together. Real life is happening in those times when everything is resting on hope and prayers. Real life is found in those moments when you don't have any other answer but to keep swinging. Swinging with purpose and might. Grabbing for every precious moment, and finding every precious moment its own victory...

Yes, Ben is a very real part of my life. Ben is my nephew. He and his twin brother were born to my beautiful sister and her husband on February 2, 2010.

And this is why my heart is so heavy, I love my sister. I know how precious these gifts were to her family. But, my sweet baby sister, God's gift of Ben will always live on in you and the incredible man God has given you to share this life. I encourage you, keep leaning on each other now, as you learn what life looks like from this point on. It's still a good life! It's going to be different, to be sure, but it is still good.

I'm so proud of the way you looked after your little man. You gave everything, spared nothing, to make sure Ben had the best life he could. Sister, you gave me a new definition of grace in the way you took consistently overwhelming situations and made them seem like they were just today's to do list. I can't remember one time that your thoughtful explanations and updates weren't markedly optimistic and positive. You and your husband are such a wonderful combination of strengths that compliment each other perfectly.

So, later today, they will be celebrating Ben's life in a church in Virginia. I won't be there, at least not in body. But my heart and mind are extended east as they remember that scrapper Ben.

I take comfort that in Heaven we "will be known as we are known," I'm looking forward to meeting Ben...